infinity-eyes

"Grandmother"

Out of her own body she pushed
silver thread, light, air
and carried it carefully on the dark, flying
where nothing moved.

Out of her body she extruded
shining wire, life, and wove the light
on the void.

From beyond time,
beyond oak trees and bright clear water flow,
she was given the work of weaving the strands
into creation, and the gift of having created,
to disappear.

After her,
the women and the men, weave blankets into tales of life
memories of light and ladders,
infinity-eyes, and rain.
After her I sit on my laddered rain-bearing rug
and mend the tear with string.

~Paula Gunn Allen-Laguna/Sioux/Lebanese

They say bad artists copy, and good artists steal. And that it’s not where you take things from, it’s where you take them too. One of my assignments for a portrait class I am taking is to make a photograph using a model playing a character, so I decided to try my hand at stealing well.

My grandma has a huge photograph of a Native American chief by Edward S. Curtis in her dining room. Her house is a log cabin that my father helped build when he was younger than I am. I love being in her house. I love that photograph because it reminds me of her, and her wisdom, and all the life she has seen in all of years.

It was around Columbus Day and I couldn’t get that image of the Native American chief out of my head, and it made me sad that there was no day for him and his culture.

I asked Shannon to play a Native American woman for my project because she actually is part Native American. I wanted to bring alive the idea of a woman who is timeless and a landscape that is untouched. Obviously if you have read this blog at all you know one of my biggest inspirations is strong women, I loved this quote " Standing Bear spoke with regard to his mother, PrettyFace:“…in her humble way, she helped to make the history of her race. For it is the mothers, not her warriors, who create a people and guide her destiny.”

Also Being from the Midwest, I have fallen in love with this landscape and how it’s always changing. I could never move anywhere where the seasons didn’t change after living here, there is so much to learn from the weather.  

I think the Native Americans were right all along, there is so much beauty in our landscape worth respecting and honoring and when we live in homogenized suburbs it’s easy to forget that.

So as my quiet protest to Columbus day, I shot this series.

Take back the night...

I often get asked by my male friends why I claim to be a feminist when it seems as though feminism (or what they know of it) seems to have died out when woman could vote and work. However we live in a culture where rape and domestic violence is not only not taken seriously, it's a punch line.

I see excuses for men who hurt women all over the place.  I am a huge steelers fan yet, I see no reason why Ben Rothlesberger should get special treatment for being accused of rape, and yet all over the place I heard things like "Well what was she doing at the bar drinking with him" oh right because drinking with a famous football player means you're asking to get  pushed into a bathroom and forced into things you don't want to do. Until the only one responsible for rape, is the person doing the raping, I think feminism is alive and well.

not only are excuses made and fingers pointed at women for what they are wearing and where they were and who they've slept with in the past people out right make jokes about it which is a sure fire way to get me to not be friends with you. it is one of my ultimate pet peeves. I hate it.  I find it incredible that I need to type this sentence but here it goes.

RAPE IS NEVER FUNNY!

ever.

I sat in a movie theatre with a group of friends watching a stupid and already unfunny movie "your highness" but the moment I knew I didn't even want to continue until the end is when they made tactless and disgusting jokes about child molestation.

how is that ever funny?

with so many people who I love dearly dealing with reoccurring nightmares, trauma and flashbacks from adults who sabotaged their childhoods, I cannot in good conscience laugh at jokes about Rape. ever.

I cant even handle it when people say "I got raped by my taxes this year"

no you had to pay more than you thought you would in taxes. you will get over it.

people who are raped, spend their lives trying to recover.

lets not make light of that.

I have been reading, "Rose: love in violent times" by Inga Musico and I was reading a chapter about how her wife, has these intense flashbacks from her childhood, and small things, like smells, and songs will ruin her entire week because she is instantly transported to a time where she was a abused and is stuck in the memory.

Lets never compare our problems to rape, only rape is rape.

and lets never make jokes about rape or domestic violence because it is under no circumstance funny for people who have been raped or abused or the rest of us who live in fear that our turn is just around the next dark parking lot.

And if you feel so inclined  come out tonight to support survivors of domestic  and sexual  violence and use your words to promote healing and love in your community. At the Will county take back the night...

I am super lucky that these are the men in my life...

for more info go to:
http://www.mencanstoprape.org/

or

http://www.rainn.org/

Healthy food Recipies from Shaundria

What you need: Lasagna pasta (whole wheat) Meat optional- All natural no casing Turkey/chicken sausage Or ground turkey 1 (small) Zucchini 1 Yellow bell pepper 10 Mushrooms 1/2Purple onion 1/2Garlic 1/2 cup of Spinach 1/2 cup of Sun dried tomatoes Small Ricotta cheese Small Cottage cheese Mozzarella cheese 3 eggs Spaghetti sauce Side note: whole foods or trader joes has a great selection. I will soon be posting home made sauce recipes. Olive oil Salt and pepper Wooden toothpicks Large pot to boil pasta Large glass baking pan Bring large pan of water with a few table spoons of olive oil to boil for pasta. Side note: olive oil will prevent pasta from sticking together. Keep an eye on your pasta you don’t want it cooked all the way. you need it to be bend to roll and it will finish cooking in the oven. Take all your veggies and meat and chop them into fine pieces. Mix ricotta and cottage cheese with 3 eggs into veggies. Mix for about a minute to insure every bite is evenly amazing! Cover the bottom of your glass baking pan with olive oil. After pasta has been drained and run under cool water lay 3- 4 pieces out on your cutting board. Turn oven on to 400 Take your mixture of veggies and cheese and spread a thin line down the center of the pasta. (Pictures below) Take your time rolling the pasta it gets messy but hey that’s what’s fun about cooking! Its best if the end of your roll is on the bottom.(Picture below) place the roll in the pan and put a tooth pick trough it to hold it together. Repeat until your pan is full. Spread mozzarella cheese over your rolls. Take your spaghetti sause and spread over rolls. Your rolls will bake for about 30-40 minutes. Serve with white wine and a salad. Salad idea: Yellow bell pepper Peach or nectarine Spinach leaves (chopped) Purple onion Shredded carrots Cherry Tomatoes I used an organic feta vinaigrette but you can use feta cheese with vinaigrette and olive oil Salt and pepper mix and serve.

eat more worry lesss.

How To Be a Woman, Caitlin Moran

We need to reclaim the word ‘feminism’. We need the word ‘feminism’ back real bad. When statistics come in saying that only 29 per cent of American women would describe themselves as feminist - and only 42 per cent of British women - I used to think, What do you think feminism IS, ladies? What part of ‘liberation for women’ is not for you? Is it freedom to vote? The right not to be owned by the man you marry? The campaign for equal pay? ‘Vogue’, by Madonna? Jeans? Did all that good shit GET ON YOUR NERVES? Or were you just DRUNK AT THE TIME OF THE SURVEY?

These days, however, I am much calmer - since I realised that it’s technically impossible for a woman to argue against feminism. Without feminism, you wouldn’t be allowed to have a debate on women’s place in society. You’d be too busy giving birth on the kitchen floor - biting down on a wooden spoon, so as not to disturb the men’s card game - before going back to quick-liming the dunny. This is why those female columnists in the Daily Mail - giving daily wail against feminism - amuse me. They paid you £1,600 for that, dear, I think. And I bet it’s going in your bank account, and not your husband’s. The more women argue loudly, against feminism, the more they both prove it exists and that they enjoy its hard-won privileges

walk a mile...

I have what some may call irrational fears.

I have a lot of them but the biggest and most deep seated fear I have I am aware of on a daily basis.

walking to the train at night, getting into my car at night, waiting in my car at a stop light.  hanging out with men I don't know very well, being alone with men I do know fairly well. I live with the rape crisis hotline programmed into my phone... just in case.

I am reminded all of the time.  I am on the offense to not get raped or assulted.

and with statistics like: Every 2 minutes, someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted.

 According to the U.S. Department of Justice's National Crime Victimization Survey -- the country's largest and most reliable crime study -- there were 248,300 sexual assaults in 2007 (the most recent data available).

There are 525,600 minutes in a non-leap year. That makes 31,536,000 seconds/year. so that comes out to 1 sexual assault every 127 seconds, or about 1 every 2 minutes.

that seems like the odds are not in my favor for avoiding it. and  60% of rape or sexual assult cases go unreported so the number is actually a lot more.

that seems like a pandemic problem.

and yet it remains largely a silent problem.

as a women, being afraid of walking to the train is a survival skill.

Last night I was at a stop light under a bridge and a car full of men pulled up next to me and began to make gestures at me. rolling down their window. trying to intimidate me.

I locked my doors.

I looked forward eyes on the light.

I began to feel my heart racing and my skin crawling.

it was the longest light of my life.

and its situations like that, that make me aware that my body is a liability.
and this is not the first time I have felt afraid and It most certainly wont be the last.

a few weeks ago Erin and I shot "walk a mile in her shoes" which is a walk to raise awareness for sexual assault.  I was waiting to do an interview that never happened with one of the walkers before I posted it, but decided to post it still incomplete.

My dad was also one of the walkers and I am really proud of him, I am so thankful for him and for other men who will stand and fight for women.  who understand that there is a dramatic and overwhelming problem when we live in a culture where the responsibility to not get raped falls on women and not on men to not rape .

if you have any questions about volunteering, walking a mile, or  just need some support call

the guardian angel home

815.729. 0930.

http://www.guardianangelhome.org/

to talk to a rape crisis advocate or just to save it in your phone in case you need to know your rights call:

1888.293.2080

fat talk

so like most women I grew up with the women around me saying things like.

" I look/feel so fat today"

"I need to go on a diet"

"she's gotten so fat since I seen her last"

and worst of all

"why is he with her, she's so fat"

I have heard these things enough in my life that when I hear them now I want to punch whoever says them in the mouth.

yesterday a women who I know photographs weddings said as her face book status "my fat butt needs a diet bad!"  and that anger mixed with pity began to rise in me all over again! not only because this women is out of her damn mind if she thinks she fat, but because there are women who she will photograph that are much bigger than her who may read that and then feel instantly bad about themselves.  

and this is the cycle that we women perpetuate. we learn our body image growing up from other people, and then we repeat it all the time.

one of my favorite moments in the last year with my mom was a few months ago. My mom like all of us struggles with her body image but she stood in the mirror this day and exclaimed "I am one sexy bitch!" and my heart burst with happiness and pride.

because the more my mom downs on her body the more I will worry about mine.  and the more she is proud of her body the more comfortable I am with mine. partly because we look so much alike.

Especially young girls. I write this all the time, but:

       80% of 13-year-olds have attempted to lose weight

young girls learn what it means to be a woman by the women around them, and growing up around body negativity breeds body negativity. It's really easy to blame the media, and Photoshop and beauty standards but what sort of damage are we doing when we learn from our moms, sisters and older women in our lives  that we are fat or need to diet, or that being fat makes us worthy of gossip or sideways glances.

I say we love our bodies right where they are even if we aren't happy with them and lets never put ourselves down because when we do we bring others down with us. and you will find its truly revolutionary to encourage other women as well as yourself, because our worth isn't measured in our weight.