"which to bury, us or the hatchet?"

I read a book once that said a lot of times we use cheap forgiveness because we feel like we must forgive without truly weighing and dealing with that which we are forgiving and to truly and authentically forgive someone you have to wade through everything and come to terms with it.

and that in reality  you have 3 options when hurt by someone.

1. Forgive

2. not forgive

3. acceptance

(you can accept that you were hurt, and that person was wrong and choose to let go of the hold that hurt has on your life without allowing that person the opportunity to do it again)

 Growing up in church I misunderstood all those sermons about having to forgive. I thought I had only one option, forgive and burry my hurt deep down. That never worked well for me.  Mostly because I am a hailstorm of emotions on a good day and when I am hurt I don't do well with burying shit, unless its evidence. Some people when bitten can leave the bite alone. not me. I swat at whatever bit me and itch it until it bleeds. I use this same approach with people I am finding out. It may or may not be my Achilles heel but we all have our vices and this is mine.

I never truly understood forgiveness  and still have a hard time with the logistics of it, so I won't pretend to be an expert. Everything I am writing has the possibility to be completely incorrect but this is where I am at right now at this moment with how one can forgive without being a doormat and opening their heart up to get hurt again.

 I like the idea that I have options. I am a big fan of options.

I read a poem today about peanut butter and apples and the poet wrote the word forgive like this "for-give".

I think that in some circumstances that's what forgiveness is, giving someone the benefit of the doubt before they have earned it. and that's a risk only you can chose to offer someone, but you can only offer it when you have weighed it completely or else its cheap forgiveness. I also think forgiveness isn't a onetime deal. I was once hurt by the closest person to me completely by accident and every time I had a reminder of this pain I had to forgive him all over again. sometimes it was every day.

I image people who lose loved ones to drunk drivers have to forgive on every birthday, holiday and morning they wake up missing that person.

make sure the people you offer complete forgiveness to are worth that struggle, because radical self love means that we don't allow people to abuse our forgiveness. And people with Radical self love know sometimes it's easier to accept and love people at a distance to maintain the kind of mental health and ability to continue loving others we deserve. and only you can choose which one is right for you.

(If you would like to read the book I referenced go here)

For those of us spending valentine’s day single.

Valentines day has the potential to be way more depressing than all the other holidays. Its easy to get caught up remembering past relationships or get stuck on your singleness and since I am in this boat I propose we have a self love valentine’s day. And here are my ideas.

1)      Look through old photos of when you were single and doing something that made you happy rather than reliving your past relationships and taking a bath full of tears. Its easy to forget that we were once independent and capable of having fun and doing interesting things on our own when you get use to being a couple. Don’t forget that while being in a relationship can make you happy, it doesn’t make you who you are.

2)      Do something that makes you laugh, because if you can’t have a sense of humor about things it’s just sad. We could focus on the fact that we could be eating pizza for the third night in a row and falling asleep before 11 but instead do something daring or fun. get dressed up and speak in a British accent the whole night, go to Lovers Lane and pretend to be buying a gift for someone and make it as strange as possible, look for granny panties and complain that that’s what “he’s” into. Don’t just sit home and be sad, go out and make yourself laugh.

3)      Get all your single friends together and go out to dinner.

4)      Make a list of all the things you can do because you are single.

5)      Buy yourself a valentine’s day present. Because you’re worth it.

6)      Do nice things for all of your closest friends; send flowers to people who you think may be lonely with you. Makes Valentine’s Day cards, or bake cookies and ding dong ditch your friends with the surprise.

7)      Start an anti-valentines day club and watch kill bill, or Carrie. Decorate cookies that say “suck it” and “Get Bent” at your anti- valentines day club meeting.

8) take sexy pictures of yourself and keep them just for you.  just because you're single doesnt mean you aren't hot.

9)      Make some art and vent out all of these yucky feelings that come with feeling frustrated on this day.

10)   Don’t drunk dial your exes. You will thank yourself in the morning because chances are you will just look sad and rediculous and revolutionary self love means not wallowing in a funk over someone who didnt realize how awesome you are.

And mostly just remember that this is just one day out of the year where we are told we have to be romantic. I hear that when you are really in love every day is Valentine’s Day. so don’t settle for a crappy holiday now because the card industry says you have to. Celebrate Valentine ’s Day in July if you want, because this day doesn’t have to make you feel left behind just because it’s what everyone else is doing.

stepping out into the cold...

I shrunk deeper into my coat. The one that looks  like a sleeping bag snuggie and I realized no matter how many layers I put on this morning anticipating it, I couldn't have prepared myself for this kind of cold.

my fingers hurt. I couldn't shut them tightly enough around my tea cup and tea spilled out as I recklessly ran to get closer to the car. I still had 2 blocks to go.
My breath was hot and when I inhaled I could practically feel the frost build up in my lungs. I hunkered down. I pushed my head forward hoping my fur hat would cut through the wind before it had a chance to reach my face. I wimpered and wondered how people could possibley live in Alaska. 
and finally I made it to the car where Shaundria was waiting and had already began to warm it up.
sometimes I have days like this. When I want to stop on the sidewalk right where I am and burrow into myself to stay hidden so that the cold doesn't hurt.
but even on days my tongue feels frozen in my mouth or my heart frozen to my ribs I can find warmth in the beauty of living, in the kindness of friends, in the endurance of hope.
and I can clasp my hands tighter and know that no matter how frozen  the world may seem right now at this moment, there is a friend waiting with some warmth to spare and a Cee Lo Green song to dance to foolishly on the car ride home.  


Thank God for those friends.


Let's all be one of those friends.

The only tyrant I accept in this world is the still voice within. - Ghandi

I think a huge part of revolutionary self love is choosing to still be ok with who you are especialy when someone else may not be.

But when you love yourself even with your flaws, even with your weak moments, even when you’re wrong you’ll find you become a lot more forgiving when you make mistakes.  ( however dont always assume you are wrong because someone else says you are.) learning requires making mistakes and everyone makes em'.

Most of my life I haven’t had that great of an opinion filter. (Obviously, I am here pontificating to a faceless audience on the World Wide Web.) The thing about being opinionated and putting yourself out there though is not everyone is going to like you. I have come to the point in my life where I can tell those people to get in line behind all the other people who think I am loud, ridiculous or wrong.

It’s not always important to be right, but it is important to be real.
If we are too afraid of being wrong, we lose out on the experience of learning and making choices.

I have accidentally found that an upside to making yourself a target for people to point out your flaws is that you will also find the people who will love you despite them.

Now I am not saying everyone should behave like me, but it’s what has worked for me. And I am a big believer in being polite and kind but you can be those things with out wavering on who you are.

 I was talking to a good friend about the fact that I want to start shooting civil unions because this is something I feel strongly about as a human rights issue, and the question was brought up that what if people chose not to go with F/stop because of our stance on this? The answer seemed really simple. If you’re not going to hire me over that I don’t want to shoot your wedding anyways.  

I think a lot of times we feel the need to be “safe” for the people we encounter and we hide the parts of ourselves that are controversial or less flattering, but I have found the people I love the most in my life are there because they love me despite and sometimes because of those things.

lets stop worrying over what other people think about us and start worrying about what we really think, because how much energy do you want to waste on the people who steal  your joy when you can be focusing on the people and areas that create it.

Daily Affirmations with Erin Gunther

Me: thanks you rock

Erin: YOU rock

Me: hahah no YOU do

Erin: Alright I do... ha

Erin: but YOU do also

Me: lol WE do

Erin: There ya go

Go team!

a blog I wrote for F/stop Poetry

http://www.fstoppoetry.blogspot.com/

Creativity.

In art it seems like one of those things you are “just born with.” I have come to realize that not everyone gets handed wild imaginations and that for the rest of us that aren’t struck with 8 brilliant ideas before breakfast, we can painstakingly learn the rules so we can figure out the best ways to break them.

I read somewhere that there is nothing new under the sun. And I believe this, everything we do as artists have already been done, but I love that Picasso said “bad artist copy, Good artists steal.”

I remember growing up I would get a hello kitty lunch box and then my annoying next door neighbor Bethany would do the same.  Or I would order a Chicken McNugget happy mean with a High C for lunch and then Bethany would do the same. This is infuriating even as an 8 year old.

Now that I am 24 it still feels just as infuriating and just as infantile. Not that what I do is too terribly creative, I envy the seemingly effortless creativity of a lot of my peers, but when you scrape to find a way of doing things and a visual voice and then the next week someone who has seen your work does the same- It can be awfully discouraging and even more annoying.

Erin and I have had many conversations about this. About branding, copying, stealing and honoring.

Plagiarism is so easy these days,

Why take the time to go on a journey of self discovery and struggle through writing a book that moves people when you can just regurgitate someone elses cool blog.

Why take the time to figure out who you are and what you think and how to convey that in your work when you can just compose your image the same way as someone else?

To quote cursive- art is hard.

And it’s a slippery slope that every artist faces: when to borrow from an inspiration and when to just rip it off completely.

I say for all of us artists out there lets do some soul searching. Lets ask why with our work.

Why do we make the work we do?

Why do we care about it?

Why is it important?

Why is this representational of us and of the subject and of the concept we are trying to convey.

Why do I have to make this work

Why should any one else care.

I bet if we all started looking at our work that way we would already be well on our way to being better artists and using visual language in our own words instead of eating someone elses.

back from Hiatus

Ok I dropped the ball

I have way too many irons in the fire right now and have neglected my blog writing for a week or so. Mostly because school and editing photos of naked ladies has taken up most of my time.

But instead of a well thought out blog about my thoughts on some subject   I am going to give you a half assed blog on things I like right now.

1)      Teavana tea- I am a huge fan of tea to begin with but all these teas are packed full of things the overly eager tea sales people tell me will change my life. I am not sure if it’s true or not but It’s delicious.

2)      Shaundria Blythe and her rockstar making abilities. I plan to take some photos of my hair in studio 2 today but shaundria gave me a rad red head and I love her for it. Call (312) 985-0189 to book an appointment with her.

3)      The Book “Girl Power- the 90’s revolution in rock music” I loved it! I am a huge fan of the music from the early 90’s and I had just finished “girls to the front: the true story of the riot grrrl revolution” and both of them were really informative and inspiring as a woman who loves music. It was really amazing to see what a vast influence Bikini Kill had on music and culture even living in a time before social networking and fast information. They had a grass roots revolution that started with a bunch of teenage girls. That’s pretty powerful. I hope to blog more on my thoughts about this book.  

4)      Meditation- every school semester I reach a point where I may maliciously pummel someone. This has helped me visualize all the things that are frustrating me leaving me as I exhale. I have been trying to do it more often. I like to do it at night before I go to bed. It helps me clear my thoughts and let go of the struggles from each day.

5)      Crème Brule- I had it for the first time on Saturday and I fell in love. Tristan told me that the kind I had wasn’t even that good, if that is true my mind is boggled. I want to try making it soon.

6)      Mimosas- because what better way to start a long day of work then with crepes and mimosas.

7)      Vitamin E and Fish oil. I have awful skin; it’s just something I have come to accept about myself. Its dry, it’s prone to break out and it’s more often then not slightly red. I started taking Fish oil and Vitamin E in the last few weeks and have noticed a considerable difference.

8) and for those of you who love Jamba Juice for their delicious smoothies they sell them in your freezer section now for 3 bucks and they taste exactly the same. I am beyond excited about this. and if you didnt know Your welcome!

So there you have it.  Leave comments about the things you are liking this week…