well behaved women rarely make history.

Guess what today is ladies!!!

International Women’s Day. And this year it is celebrating its 100th birthday. International Women’s Day (IWD) takes place on March 8, every year. It’s a time to celebrate the achievements of women world wide!

I had a professor at school talk about Ishango bone, which is believed to be the first calendar ever created. And for years it was assumed that it was made by a man, but she said “what man do you know charts every 28 days? Claudia Zaslavsky has suggested that this may indicate that the creator of the tool was a woman, tracking the lunar phase in relation to the menstrual cycle.

And that was a turning point in how I viewed the history of women because when you record the history books, you can choose what is “important” and in the past a lot of women’s achievements have not been recorded fairly or at all.

For instance it was women who were the first computer programmers shattering the myth that girls aren’t that great at math, and the best part is they weren’t credited and were called “models” in the photos taken of them working on it. To read the story go here: http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/story?id=3951187&page=1

So as girls began to find their Hero’s we began to aim higher in our own lives. It’s these women who inspire us to see ourselves not as “helpers” but as pioneers. 

These are some of my Hero’s

Hatshepsut was the fifth pharaoh of the eighteenth dynasty of Ancient Egypt. She is generally regarded by Egyptologists as one of the most successful pharaohs, reigning longer than any other woman of an indigenous Egyptian dynasty. Her legacy survived despite attempts to remove all her monuments and scratch her name from history.

Frida Kahlo was married to a famous artist and her work stood alone as ground breaking and innovative. She survived an accident that impaled her and left her struggling with her health for the rest of her life, and yet she didn’t let it hold her back. She lived loved and painted with such veracity  and honesty. She was the subject of most of her work and she wasn’t afraid of her emotions or wearing her heart on her sleeve.

 Kathleen Hannah is the lead singer of the band Bikini killed and was the forefront of the riot girl movement.  By using her music and her words she started a grass roots movement that got girls all over to start considering the fact that they didn’t have to be groupies, the could pick up guitars and start their own bands. They could start movements in their own town of woman who would protect and encourage each other.  And she did this all in a time before the internet.

Courtney Love known more for her antics and mishaps then her fierce driving will and more people in the world hate Courtney love then like her and yet she gives them all the middle finger and keeps on trucking. You have to admire a women who isn’t afraid to ruin her name if it means being true to herself even with all of her failures.

Patti Smith- a poet and musician who is mostly known as the mother of Punk, her unique way of seeing the word and love for art and people inspired so many musicians  and artists and to this day if I am having a bad day I Google Patti Smith quotes for her wisdom and positive outlook.

Mary Ellen Mark- I don’t know if there is a woman I try to emulate more. It’s gotten to the point where Erin and I want to tattoo on our shutter fingers WWMEMD. Her Fierce drive and tenacity has pushed her to create some of the most interesting and heartbreaking work on the human condition. She went to Bombay India to photograph prostitutes, by herself. She befriended, stayed with and photographed these prostitutes and their lives out of the sheer desire to tell their story despite having an extremely difficult time getting someone to get behind her and publish the images.

My Mom- I have written about my mom before, her presence in my life has taught me so much about being strong willed and true to who you are.

Melissa Formenti was a woman who went to our church growing up, when I was in Junior high I thought she was so cool because she listened to Jewel and gave me her clothes that she didn’t wear. I always watched Missy fascinated with her adult life and I as I look back at those years of my life I see now why I respected her so much, She didn’t often complain about her appearance or body, she wasn’t afraid to speak up when she thought something different than the group, She had a good sense of humor, and she was interesting and multi-dimensional as a person. I learned these were good qualities to have by watching Missy.

Micki Cole taught me how to put eye liner on and was the first person I told when I kissed a boy. She made music videos with me and let me sleep over at her apartment, she did my hair fom prom and and helped me pick out all my dresses for all my dances. I dont have any siblings and Micki became like my older sister, and she showed me how to enjoy being your own brand of "girl".  She called off her engagement when I was in high school and I saw the pain and difficulty she endured because of that decision but how she trusted that she was strong and had made the right choice for her even if it was hard. I came back to Micki and those memories of her a lot this past year and I was so thankful that I saw her strength because it inspired me to be strong too.

Erin Wern Reardon, in high school I burned with jealous over Erin’s beauty. I think all of us girls in high school did which is why most of us treated her so poorly. There is an ani difranco lyric that I think totally fits: everyone harbors a secret hatred For the prettiest girl in the room And God help you if you are a phoenix And you dare to rise up from the ash A thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy

While you are just flying past

In recent years I got to become friends with Erin and I regretted that girlhood jealousy because she is legitimately one of the nicest, and most caring and encouraging people I have met.  She reached out to me when I was struggling and showed me the power of kind words and understanding. She has lived such a full and beautiful life and when she tells me to trust that God can work bad things for good, I trust her, because her life proves it.

So these are some of the women who have inspired me, and I have so many more. Heather, Erin, Shaundria, Andjela, my Grandma Loretta, my aunt Connie, Michele Giesin, any woman who takes risks, who trusts herself, who loves herself, who has integrity and character, any woman who uses her beauty, strenth and wisdom to help others and who isn’t afraid to be herself even when other people tell her she's wrong.

Happy International women’s day!

 Thank the strong women in your life and be a strong inspiring woman to others.

Who inspires you?

its ok to be skinny, Its ok to be fat...

The first time I can remember being concerned about my weight, I was 13 years old.

I was at a water park with my family and friends and I had just polished off my second Twinkie when a family friend who is amazing, but equally as self conscience about her own body said 'you better not eat so many Twinkies they will make you fat." She didn't mean to make me worry, she was use to worrying  needlessly about her weight. But I shit you not when I tell you I haven't eaten another Twinkie since.

A few summers later a boy who I liked at the time told me he was going to date his ex girlfriend and not me because she only weighed 89 pounds, to this day 89 pounds has remained in my head as the perfect weight.

That year I started exercising. which is what started my hatred for working out. I would use the family treadmill as punishment not as a means to be stronger or more healthy. I ate three pieces of pizza? I had to run a mile. I ate a snickers for lunch? I had to run a mile. I also started stealing diet pills from  the same family friend with the Twinkie advice. and I didn't like the idea of throwing up so I would just chew a lot of the foods I wanted to eat but knew I shouldn't and then spit them out before swallowing. It seemed easier and less likely to rot my teeth out of my mouth.  I was maybe 15. It got to the point that I hated my body. I didn't have boobs and that's what boys wanted, I wasn't thin enough or athletic enough, and on top of that I was friggen weird.  

This self hatred accumulated with my trying to throw up 4 pieces of dominos pizza in the field across the street from my house one night. I found myself on my hands and knees in the middle of the field with my finger in my throat because that pizza tasted so good, I couldn't bring myself to spit them out. I knew this self hatred was not healthy. I walked home feeling like a failure for not being able to get those 4 pieces up. Instead of being impressed with my amazing gag reflexes I felt weak for not being  one of those girls who is dedicated enough to just not eat anything at all.

I would like to say I had an epiphany where I decided I was really super awesome and I should love myself. But that moment never really came. I just got more interested in my life then my body. I got involved with an organization that sent me overseas to stay in orphanages and help people and for some reason that seemed like a more worthy thing to work towards then my goal of 89 pounds.   I got really into music, taking piano and guitar lessons,  and I decided at 16 not to date until I graduated high school because I wanted to focus on finding out what I thought about the world and who I was, So I figured since I wasn't going to be dating I didn't give a shit who wanted me to be 89 pounds right at that moment (being the procrastinator that I am I figured I would just work on that when I graduated and then try to land me a man).

at one point in my teenage years at lunch, I would make my best friend hand me photos of girls in bikinis I had torn out of magazines when I wanted to eat. I would tape these photos all over the fridge and my room as motivation to get a body like the ones I saw in the images.

and then I took my first digital photo editing class.

my world was rocked.

It took me seconds to look like those models. Seconds. with a brush and a clone stamp I stopped seing my body for all the things It wasnt and giving it a little grace to have some flaws, because they werent permanent.

 It became a personal vendetta of mine to show every woman I knew that these girls I wanted to look like, these girls I beat myself up over, these girls I would skip meals to look like... didnt even look like those photos.

I felt like the wool had been lifted from my eyes and I felt freedom in knowing that I was ok just the way I was.

 this has been a growing process for me ever since.

worrying about what I put into my mouth, how often I exercise then beating myself up for not being enough, and then having to remind myself that not even Britney spears looks like Britney spears all the time.

and that weight is such a cliche',  unproductive, and relative thing to stress out over. People who have revolutionary self love know that they have far more important things to worry about.

Olive's Ice Cream
Little Miss Sunshineat MOVIECLIPS.com

memories of my mother

Childhood is like an old book you can barely remember. you recall the plot but not all the scenes. It’s foggy and elusive and the memories that stand out seem really significant because there's only a handful of memories that remain full narratives.  

I laid in bed this morning thinking about my mom.
My mom and her sailor mouth and her skintight body suit with purple flowers that made me think she was the prettiest woman alive when I was a kid .

I remember my mom always worked and she was always busy.

Too busy to play Barbie’s when she got home from work and when I would hand her one and ask her the Barbie’s name she would always reply “puddin' Tane, if you ask me again I will tell you the same”

I don’t remember playing Barbie’s with her.

I do remember one day I was sick and couldnt go to school.

she brought me to the baby sitters house and when she opened the door to drop me off there was a living room full of guys sleeping.

I remember feeling afraid and not wanting to stay.

I remember her scooping me up and telling that woman there was no way she was going to leave her daughter there with a bunch of men sleeping in her living room. not to mention the fact that the house smelled like shit.

She called off of work that day to stay with me.  

She probably made me chicken noodle soup out of the can.

She made me feel safe and protected.

I knew as long as my mom had anything to do with it she would never let anyone hurt me even if it cost her something.

My mom is in her 40’s now. She complains about her body a lot. She said to me this week that she never looked like "that". And I knew she was lying.

And when I look at her I don’t see the complaints of a body that doesn’t cooperate with her age, I see a woman who stands her ground, who is a fierce momma lion ready to eat anyone who would threaten my safety. I see a firecracker that has complex emotions. I see a figher who, from years of  needless and undeserved hurt has built up walls of protection that sometimes, she will let me into. I see a woman that made it her life’s work to make sure that I didn’t have to build those walls. I see a woman who is not just a mother, not just a wife, but an interesting, quirky, hillarious, creative, and shrewd person. And for all of those things and for all the things I dont have the words to say, I think she is beautiful.

"All My friends are guys because there is less drama"

I am just going to call bull shit right now on this one.

I have probably said this more than anyone else I know growing up. My best friend was a boy, and I hated all girls for how much I felt hurt by them.

But now that I am older and I looked back and realized I felt forced into competition with my friends over boys, attention, beauty, and status. I say forced because I thought this is just how girls were, but in reality we have been socially constructed into competing with one another.

Don’t believe me? Look around. Next time you watch a movie ask yourself how many women are in it. And ask yourself if they get along with each and support one another other. 

 Men have just as many hang ups as women. Some men lie to you, some men will spread your secrets, some men will cheat, some men will hit on your friends, some men will stop talking to you over petty things, some men are bad listeners, some men give bad advice, and some men create “drama”.

The same can be said for some women. Yet, we write off more than half the population because society, media, our peers, all reinforce this idea that women, and only women, are emotional and unstable and out to get us. 

Stop believing the bullshit. Some people suck and some people don’t.

And the last time I checked the best way to make friends was to be a good friend.

I say revolutionary self love should include loving our gender and not hating on other women.

Lets all choose to see people based on their character and not their gender. And lets stop perpetuating all this girl hate.

10 ways to hate being a woman.

1) Buy a scale. - because a really good way to hate being a woman is to obsess about the number of pounds on your body when you could really be focused on the kind of person you want to be inside of it.

2) Diet- because nothing is more fun that depriving yourself so you can fit someone else's standard of attractiveness. Also you can start to feel guilty about enjoying things that you like and feel shame for not being more "self-disciplined" to look like models on magazines.

3) beat yourself up for not working out enough.  because everyone knows running in place for an hour is a hoot. instead of doing physical activity you enjoy like swimming, yoga and playing sports stay home and run on the treadmill because you have to burn off all those calories for the day, because who cares about having fun or feeling good, we just want to look good.

4) When looking in the mirror focus on all the things you don't like about yourself. like your cellulite, your wide hips, or your stretch marks. Hate yourself Because you don't have teams of people airbrushing you  and 15 year old fashion model figures. You're a woman, you look like a woman, and apparently that isn't attractive.

5) Listen to all the advertising that wants to tell you how to fix what's wrong with you by telling you whats wrong with you. because if your teeth weren't white enough, your hair not smooth enough, your butt not tight enough, or your lady parts not fresh enough they make a plethora of things to take your money while making you feel unhappy just being you.

6) Read womens magazines.  especially shape and Cosmo, because if every woman felt good about her body, confident in her sex life, and creative in her own fashion sense these people would go out of business and we can't have that.

7) . Bicker at, undermine and criticize other women, especially successful women because we can't respect and  appreciate other women who are talented- they might try to steal our boyfriends.

8) Put yourself down in front of your friends and kids- say things like "I am so fat" and "I look gross today" because the best way to feel better about yourself is bringing other people down with you. And because the girls around you totally need to know its normal and common for all of us to hate ourselves and the things we shouldnt like.

9) Don't go out and have fun because you feel "fat" "ugly" or "gross" because if obsessing about your looks doesn't take up enough space in your brain let it start to take up huge spots in your life and hold you back from being happy and having fun.

10) Obsess about other woman's flaws and point them out.- because who would rather be kind, funny, a good mom/wife/girlfriend/sister/friend, creative, smart, strong, or ambitious when you can be skinny?  Make a point to discredit other women based simply on what they are wearing or how they look. It will totally make you feel better about yourself.

national eating disorder awareness week

So if you hadn't heard this is national eating disorder awareness week and I wanted to take some time write about my thoughts and experiences with that subject.

first of all I don't think most people realize that eating disorders have the highest fatality rate of all mental illness. It's a really big deal.  

·       It is estimated that 8 million Americans have an eating disorder – seven million women and one million men

·       One in 200 American women suffers from anorexia

·       Two to three in 100 American women suffers from bulimia

·       Nearly half of all Americans personally know someone with an eating disorder (Note: One in five Americans suffers from mental illnesses.)

·       An estimated 10 – 15% of people with anorexia or bulimia are males

I often hear a lot of people who are unsympathetic to people with eating disorders because it seems really simple to just eat, but the condition has so many mental hang ups and compulsions that it should be treated like any other mental illness, no one would say "why dont you just stop being compulsive" to someone with OCD. The prpoblem with getting help is that very few insurance comanpies treat eating disorders as a disease and people living with the disorders have a hard time getting the amount of help they need.  

• Only 1 in 10 people with eating disorders receive treatment
• Treatment of an eating disorder in the US ranges from $500 per day to $2,000 per day. The average cost for a month of inpatient treatment is $30,000. It is estimated that individuals with eating disorders need anywhere from 3 – 6 months of inpatient care. Health insurance companies for several reasons do not typically cover the cost of treating eating disorders
• Anorexia is the 3rd most common chronic illness among adolescents

·       95% of those who have eating disorders are between the ages of 12 and 25

·       50% of girls between the ages of 11 and 13 see themselves as overweight

·       80% of 13-year-olds have attempted to lose weight

(http://www.state.sc.us/dmh/anorexia/statistics.htm)

Let that sink in for a minute.

·       80% of 13-year-olds have attempted to lose weight

with such staggering numbers we have to look at why 13 year old girls would feel the need to lose weight?

Things I like Monday!

Because I spent the week making photographs and not blogging I am going to play catch up with a half assed list of bullet points on the things that I like…

1)      Bust magazine. – I bought an issue of it this week and I have always hated Cosmo and hows its so “your man” centered, so reading bust this week was really refreshing. If you want a naughty magazine with realistic sex advice, music tips, and interviews with interesting women for-go Cosmo and get “Bust.”

2)     This nail polish color by Nichole- I bought it this weekend and thinks its really fun pay no attention to the fact that it from the Justin Beiber collection, we will ignore that. 

3)      The movie “It’s kind of a funny story”- Had I seen this movie in high school I would have loved it even more it captures that anxious pressure of being a teen and feeling crazy and not knowing if your allowed to live your own life yet. And I am strangely attracted to Zack Galifinakis and he cracked me up in the movie. It’s worth watching.

4)      Jenifer Avello- I was able to assist her in a shoot she had for her fashion class and not only is she super nice and helpful she is a talented and creative photographer.

5)      Drag Queens- I hope to blog more about my love for them later when I can write somewhat coherently about them, but just know drag queens are hoot.

6)      People who write creatively. This is a blog of a friend of mine and I can’t get enough of reading it. I wish I could write as off the cuff and loosely as him and still be as on point and well executed. I love the Portly Adventures of Barley Bertolli. Enjoy.

7)     I am reading “Simplicity” by Richard Rohr and I am only 3 chapters in but I am so excited about it. I have been kind of obsessed with Gender Roles and gender performance lately and he writes so eloquently about these issues and God. I swear It is people like him who sustain my faith in the relevance of Christianity.

8)      Eating. I am a big fan of eating. I had a conversation with someone about how a lot of models are eating cotton balls dipped in juice to feel full but stay thin, and my heart broke that these girls feel the need to eat cotton balls. I don’t care who tells you 89 pounds is beautiful. Shitting cotton balls is not.

9)      Liz Phair- I have become a really big fan of hers because of her blunt and no holds barred approach to talking about sexuality and relationships. It’s refreshing to see an honest portrayal of this instead of the “virgin-whore” portrayal in a lot of the media today. I read that her c.d. “exile in Guyville” was a song-by-song reply to the Rolling Stones' 1972 album Exile on Main Street. Phair apparently sequenced her compositions in an attempt to match the song-list and pacing of the 1972 album.

10)This quote

“We live in a society and a culture and an economic model that tries to make everything look right. Look at computers. Why are they all putty-colored or off-f******-white? You make something off-white or beige because you are afraid to use any other color – because you don’t want to offend anybody. But by definition, when you make something no one hates, no one loves it. So I am interested in imperfections, quirkiness, insanity, unpredictability. That’s what we really pay attention to anyway. We don’t talk about planes flying; we talk about them crashing”. - Tibor Kalman