I'm learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes.

              

I have taken a break from writing on purpose for a while. Sometimes you feel really vulnerable and have to hide away for a bit.

This past year has been one of a lot of struggles.  I have had to rebuild my life in a lot of ways because a lot of my plans failed. But the best part about failure is that you can wipe the slate clean and start over. I am not a fan of secrecy, and pretending or even building walls to keep people out. On a good day I am outgoing, I am a people person, I am hopeful, I believe in humanity and love the connection in joining in the conversation about my experiences as a human, a woman, and misfit.

I read this quote this week:

 "Buy a blank notebook. Draw a huge heart on the cover. Don’t write anything negative in here. If you need another outlet, make a separate notebook. This one is all about love, personal growth, and getting back up. Fill it with beautiful images, reaffirming thoughts, and quotes. Write in it every day, and each day write one thing you’re grateful for in your life."

Kim, Advice from a Mermaid in a Manhole

And it got me thinking. You can struggle while still looking for undercurrent of beauty in things.

And that is my plan.

Because maybe I don’t know what I am doing, or what will come of all this, but I heard a song put on a mix c.d. for me and it’s been my soul food all week.

“Oh I’ve had my chances and I’ve taken them all

Just to end up right back here on the floor

To end up right back here on the floor”

Oh, I’ve felt that fire, and I, I’ve been burned,

But I wouldn’t trade the pain for what I’ve learned

I wouldn’t trade the pain for what I’ve learned”

 -pink crystal ball

I say we let ourselves make mistakes and be brave enough to not let them keep us stranded in them but to find a way to still fly.