10 ways to hate being a woman.

1) Buy a scale. - because a really good way to hate being a woman is to obsess about the number of pounds on your body when you could really be focused on the kind of person you want to be inside of it.

2) Diet- because nothing is more fun that depriving yourself so you can fit someone else's standard of attractiveness. Also you can start to feel guilty about enjoying things that you like and feel shame for not being more "self-disciplined" to look like models on magazines.

3) beat yourself up for not working out enough.  because everyone knows running in place for an hour is a hoot. instead of doing physical activity you enjoy like swimming, yoga and playing sports stay home and run on the treadmill because you have to burn off all those calories for the day, because who cares about having fun or feeling good, we just want to look good.

4) When looking in the mirror focus on all the things you don't like about yourself. like your cellulite, your wide hips, or your stretch marks. Hate yourself Because you don't have teams of people airbrushing you  and 15 year old fashion model figures. You're a woman, you look like a woman, and apparently that isn't attractive.

5) Listen to all the advertising that wants to tell you how to fix what's wrong with you by telling you whats wrong with you. because if your teeth weren't white enough, your hair not smooth enough, your butt not tight enough, or your lady parts not fresh enough they make a plethora of things to take your money while making you feel unhappy just being you.

6) Read womens magazines.  especially shape and Cosmo, because if every woman felt good about her body, confident in her sex life, and creative in her own fashion sense these people would go out of business and we can't have that.

7) . Bicker at, undermine and criticize other women, especially successful women because we can't respect and  appreciate other women who are talented- they might try to steal our boyfriends.

8) Put yourself down in front of your friends and kids- say things like "I am so fat" and "I look gross today" because the best way to feel better about yourself is bringing other people down with you. And because the girls around you totally need to know its normal and common for all of us to hate ourselves and the things we shouldnt like.

9) Don't go out and have fun because you feel "fat" "ugly" or "gross" because if obsessing about your looks doesn't take up enough space in your brain let it start to take up huge spots in your life and hold you back from being happy and having fun.

10) Obsess about other woman's flaws and point them out.- because who would rather be kind, funny, a good mom/wife/girlfriend/sister/friend, creative, smart, strong, or ambitious when you can be skinny?  Make a point to discredit other women based simply on what they are wearing or how they look. It will totally make you feel better about yourself.